A Companion Only Ever Focuses On Her Own Life: Is It Time to Distance Myself?

I have been friends for over two decades, a person who's faced and conquered numerous obstacles, her resilience is commendable. However, she's constantly taken by surprise by people. Her husband ended their marriage, which came as a massive blow. A lot of her friends disappeared at that point, since they had been drawn to him. It shocked her deeply. She made more effort in our friendship, and must have understood more clearly what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

In the time since, quite a few close to her have drifted apart leaving her sure why. Her previous job became hostile, although she was highly competent, and she left without knowing what had changed.

Current Dynamics

Recently, we have each stepped back from work so we're spending each other more, but I am finding my position in our friendship is as the audience. I start discussion points but she shifts the talk toward what interests her. Regarding political views, she expresses firm beliefs. I attempt to propose verifying facts and different perspectives.

She is organizing a holiday to a country I've visited on several occasions even called home previously. My intention was to share insights, yet it was unappreciated. She purely solely sought validation of her choices. I have come back from 30 days there and she wants to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to be a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, but I don't think she will ever comprehend the impact of how she acts on how I feel about myself. Right now, I am in distancing myself. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to end things abruptly, but it is not often the peaceful resolution we imagine. Yet having a direct talk with a view to resolution requires bravery and willingness from both people.

Therapists recommend applying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step involves describing what typically happens in your conversations. This needs to be based on facts and essentially what a recording device would replay. The second is to express how this leaves you feeling. There should be no argument here. What you feel are valid, after all. The third step involves requesting ways you together can shift the interaction between you."

Remember she too has her own side, thus requiring you to be prepared to hear that. A helpful technique involves stating to the other person:

"Now you talk and I promise to listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

Closing Considerations

She might reject your concerns, for those who cling to a “survival narrative”: they rely on a narrative about themselves they won't abandon since their identity depends upon it being the only thing familiar to them. This poses a challenge when there seems no clear path in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might at first react this way then consider on your words. If you don't achieve an agreement, you'll have satisfaction from having been truthful.