Evening Personalities Take Aim At Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Program

Late-night's leading entertainers spent their evening criticizing former President Donald Trump's newly unveiled immigration program, called the "gold card," portraying it as a clear pay-for-access arrangement for the rich.

The Late Show's Pointed Take

Kicking off his program, Stephen Colbert presented a mock Christmas jingle directed at the president. "He's making a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... destroys all he handles."

The focus was the new plan which permits overseas citizens to buy U.S. legal status for an investment of one million dollars, with a "top-tier" version for $5 million. An official portal promises approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick note here to wealthy foreigners: prior to you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the card is also designed to "squeeze cash" from businesses wanting to hire foreign workers, with significant costs. "That is a lot of fees, however if you register, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choosing – if it's the a specific Marriott," he added.

"The most thorough screening the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants truly qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow rich international individuals to live here," he stated. "For a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choosing."

"It might be time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the application, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging poll numbers amid financial anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he said.

This week, in a effort to discuss cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of food items, and behaved peculiarly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by mocking right-leaning news defenses of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.